November 2011
Just checked out the last message I wrote in January. It was 1-1-11. This week in November we had 11-1-11. Fun dates!

Several people have asked me to update my messages- so here goes!

It's been two years since my breast cancer diagnosis and this is a much better place to be! I'm doing fine! I had a biopsy last month "to rule out any problems" and everything came back OK!! Hooray!! My hair has grown back- a bit different- but it's mine! I got a new "author photo" taken last month- look for it soon. The last one was taken ten years ago! I really like that photo but it was time for a new one.

I have been working on my series of Get Well Card Quilts- I did get busy with teaching and haven't made as many as I hoped- but I'll be working on it!

I wrote a new book this year- it will come out in July 2012. It's called Baltimore Blocks for Beginners and will be fun to use a teaching tool to get students started making Baltimore Applique Quilts- my favorite!!

Top Ten Creepy Side Effects- December 31, 2010

Here it is the end of 2010. It's been a roller coaster year for me but I feel so much better now than a year ago- I'm ready for 2011!

I wrote a list of the Top Ten Creepy Side Effects of Chemo when I finished my treatments, and have been waiting for the perfect time to add them to my messages. I need to post them today- I do not want to take any of them into the new year with me!

Here goes! Notice that losing my hair is not on the list! That's because I was sure it would happen. It's the things I wasn't sure about that were creepy- I never knew how long they would last.
I could deal with all of them because I was so thankful I never threw up or had really severe pain.
We are told that everyone is different and we all get different side effects. Some days they appear – some days they disappear! None of these things lasted the whole time- every day has been a surprise!

The Number 10 Creepy Side Effect: Skin peeling off feet and hands
Number 9: Funky red rash (redheads hate rashes!)
Number 8: A sore in my throat for two days (I was afraid I would not be able to breathe!)
Number 7: Sores in mouth (but I had a special swish-and-spit med from the dentist!)
Number 6: Some days things tasted like cardboard
Number 5: Chocolate totally lost it's appeal (but it's back!)
Number 4: Toenails hurt- and fell off! (super creepy)
Number 3: Having the port for chemo- It's like a semi-permanent IV. It's gone now!
Number 2: Exhaustion (well, this was-and still is- hard to deal with)
And the Number 1 Creepy Side Effect: For one week at the beginning of chemo- a painful hemorrhoid the size of a Buick!

Yes, you are allowed to laugh at the last one!

The Creepy Side Effects are gone- the frustrating part is that new ones show up every once in awhile. It's the New Normal for someone who has gone through chemotherapy.

I'm looking forward to 2011! Happy New Year!

Hair Fertilizer - December 20, 2010

I'm making chocolate chip cookies for Christmas tonight and have been updating my blog while the cookies are baking. I just found this entry- it's from July- and realized I never posted it. It's now 8 1/2 months since I finished chemo- my hair is almost 2" long and I'm still waiting for my hair to grow longer than my brother's.

From July:
Bob's wife is hot! Really, Headly (my wig) is hot in this 100 degree weather here in B-more!

So if you see me around town or in a fabric store, I'll have on a cute baseball hat with a preppy ribbon. The hats are made by a survivor named Cindy from Delaware- you can see her hats at www.ribboncapclub.com. They are cute- and they are saving all my friends from seeing my fuzzy head and saying, "Gheesh, I thought she would have hair by now!"

It's been three months since I stopped chemo and my hair is growing- slowly. It's about 3/4 inch long and is a much different color than I am used to. There's a few longer strands that seem to reach up to heaven, saying to the others, "C'mon- grow! Catch up with us! We should be longer by now!" It's also very soft and fuzzy.

At the beginning of chemo, everyone said "You will lose your hair but it will grow back." It's just a long time for the second half of that sentence. Think about growing out your bangs- it takes a long time. But it's an adventure. I get to have all kinds of hairdos- from very very short- to who knows what!

I did see a product in the grocery store the other day- it made me laugh! It's called Hair Fertilizer! Really!

Then I saw an ad for Big Sexy Hair- not ready for that yet!

I love it when I run into friends and they say
Love your hair! Or Love the color! Or Is it yours?
Sure it's mine- I paid for it! It's the most expensive hairdo I've ever had!

Sleeping for the Cure- October 4, 2010

Yesterday was the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure here in Baltimore. One time about 15 years ago I did the 5K walk with some friends. Then other years I did the one mile walk. Last year and this year, I signed up to "Sleep for the Cure"! It's a great way to support a wonderful cause- we pay the same as a runner, get a T shirt mailed to us if we sign up early, and get to sleep in!

When I woke up yesterday morning, I immediately thought of my friends Claudia and "the other Mimi" from St. Agnes who met at 5:30 am and walked the 5K yesterday. I'll see them tomorrow and hear about the Race. I can remember how emotional it was to see all the people- survivors in pink shirts- and their friends and supporters in Race shirts. This year there was great weather and there were 30,000 people! They take a photo of all the survivors and play a heart-wrenching song like Whitney Houston's Hero and there's lots of tears. That's OK because all those survivors are so glad to be there!

I have some friends in Iowa who slept in with my grad school team of "Sew Sleepy Stitchers" and three friends in Washington State (not DC) who slept in, went out to lunch, and then went to a mattress store and had their photo taken with a big pink stuffed sheep- they made a party out of it!

So next year, first week in October, support a great cause and as they say in the ads for the Race- support you local breasts! Get your mammograms- I'm a believer! They save lives!

One Year Ago - September 4, 2010

One year ago today I went for my annual mammogram, expecting everything to be OK and ready for a nice Labor Day weekend. Instead I was knocked off my feet with news of breast cancer.

It's been a wild year. That mammogram saved my life- found the cancer early- and here I am! So if you are putting off any tests that you should have, get those big girl panties on (or tighty-whities if you are a guy) and go for it!

I've learned that I am "braver than I believe, stronger than I seem, and smarter than I think" (That's from the quote from Christopher Robin talking to Pooh.)I have met incredible people who smile in the face of bad things and get through. I've learned the great value of words and Hallmark cards and homemade cards and comfort food and friends and family and prayers.

It's amazing and I feel very very fortunate! How about that!

Chemo Brain- August 4, 2010

There's a side effect to chemotherapy called "chemo brain". It simply means that your brain doesn't work correctly- altered a bit by the chemo drugs. I thought I was doing OK. I only had two episodes that had to do with cooking- I fried a teapot back in December- that's why I now have a new electric teapot. And I pushed the wrong button on the stove a few weeks ago and "custom broiled" a quiche- it sure got done fast- kind of "blackened".

Then this week I wrote a check to someone using their first name and the name of their street for the last name…..and I pushed a button on my computer and sent a message to the wrong person.

Oh my!

So if I do anything weird, or send you a crazy message…let's blame it on chemo brain.

I got a strange email the other day- it was a quote but it was missing the words. It simply read "."
I read it as a message to stop, wait, slow down, take it slow.

My doctor told me that the chemo would be out of my system within a few weeks, but the side effects would linger. Of course she was right. She told me to use my hair as a guide. It's growing slowly.

This adventure ain't over yet!!

Moving On- June 20, 2010

If you read the previous message, you will understand that one of the wonderful things that cancer and chemotherapy has given me is time- time to rest, time to do what I want or need to get better, and time to think about "what to do when I grow up".

I've been trying to decide whether to continue teaching quilting. Scary cancer thoughts make me think about the commitments about having to be there to teach if I don't feel good or have enough energy. But three things happened in the past two weeks that make me realize that's what I need to do- slowly get back to teaching.

First. I was watching Oprah and she asked her guest about his spiritual beliefs. His answer was that he believed if you are good to other people it will come back to you. That was an "aha" moment for me.

Second. I went shopping with my friends Laurie and Laurie at a local quilt shop. A customer recognized me and told me how my classes affected her- she loved appliqué and was hoping to be recognized by her guild at their next show. She credited me with her success and her love of quilting. I was stunned. I could hardly say anything to her. (I was afraid I was going to cry.) I gave her quilting skills- she returned the favor and gave me some confidence! Thanks, Rita!

Third. A student sent me a photo of her almost-finished "wonderful absolutely fabulous" Baltimore quilt. She sent the photo as a "gift" to me because she knew I would love seeing her quilt and she had enjoyed the class so much. She thanked me for sharing myself, my gift, in class- and then sent a photo of her quilt back to me. Thanks, Sandy!

I believe these things happened together for a reason. I gave myself to my students in class and they gave something wonderful back to me at a time when I really needed it. The syncronicity of it made me get up, go to my local shop, and sign up to teach two classes this fall. This is what I do!

I am so excited!!

Well- June 8, 2010

Last night a friend told me that a friend of ours told her that someone else who I haven't seen for a long time (got it?) told her I wasn't doing well.

Well!

Today I cleaned a toilet, got the messy guest room ready for 5 1/2 year old Julia to come for a sleepover tomorrow night, am happy that Julia is coming over for tomorrow night, am planning to stop at a quilt shop on my way to get her tomorrow, and am planning a tea party with her. I went to the craft store and bought some goodies to glue and cut and paste. That- to me- is doing well!

I have new grown-back-in eyebrows and eyelashes that are longer than last week. My fingernails went to the dermatologist yesterday and she was thrilled with the way they look (a few more months and we all will be thrilled, too). All that stuff is doing well!

I went to a Survivor Party on Sunday and two friends who are 48 think I am their age (I love that!) and our doctor came around and gave all of us hugs. So did one of our favorite nurses- George. We survivors compared notes and I know what my hair will look like in 2 months- better than today's fuzz! My hair is doing well!

I'm not taking as many naps- just if I am planning to go out at night. I'm thinking about teaching, but I promised myself I would take off 2010 to get really better- but I'm thinking about it! That's doing well!

SO- hey! I'm doing WELL! Maybe not GREAT- but WELL is good right now! As one of my friends said after chemo- "My body has taken a hit!" And as everyone says, "It takes time". The hardest part for this patient - is being patient!

And when Bob reads this, he will say, "Oh, yeah, she's feeling better!"

CSI - DNA- Hooray! - May 28,2010

You know how on CSI they send DNA to the lab and the results come back after the next commercial? Well, that doesn't happen in real life!

A month ago, I did a DNA test to check a gene mutation responsible for breast cancer called the BRCA1 and BRCA2 genes. We were expecting the results in 2 weeks.

Whew! It took almost a month and I got the results this week! The results were good! Everybody has these genes, but it's a mutation (change) in the gene that makes patients more likely to get breast cancer (and other cancers too). My results were NO mutations in my genes. That also means that my children and grandchildren do not have the mutation from me.

Hooray! This is very good news!

Now, the next question comes up- where did I get breast cancer? We don't know. We truly don't know. But thank goodness for mammograms that found both of mine early.

Another Hope Report - May 23

Eyebrows!! My eyebrows are starting to grow back!! Signs of Hope!

And just to let you know, my eyelashes are almost 1/8" long now- the cutest perfect little eyelashes all lined up along the top of my eyes. Amazing!

Now, my hair is a different story. Last week a friend I hadn't seen for awhile said, "Wow, I love the way your hair looks now that it's grown back." I loved it! That meant that Headly was doing her job and lookin' good. But the real hair is taking it's time- it's still in the peach fuzz stage.....

Hope - May 14

Yesterday Hope appeared in the form of Baby Eyelashes!
They are only 1/16" long, but they are real !

Cancer patients lose their hair because of the drugs in the chemotherapy. The chemo attacks cancer cells, but also attacks fast-growing cells like hair. That means all kinds of hair. The weird thing is that I didn't lose my eyelashes and eyebrows until the chemo was over- last Thursday! A friend told me I had to lose them before they would grow back. I didn't expect them this soon! Hooray!

Peach Fuzz!

The day I finished chemo, one of the nurses jokingly said, "And tomorrow morning you will feel your hair starting to grow…."
No way! I've talked to other survivors about when they finished chemo and noticed how long it seems to grow hair. It's going to be awhile….
But! There seems to be a difference today! There's peach fuzz!

That was all I was going to write today, but then I thought of some other things…

Do you know that most cancer survivors who wear wigs do it for other people? We don't want others to be uncomfortable around us. Yep. That's mostly it, but we also feel better when we look in the mirror.

One day early this month it got HOT- over 90 in B-more in early April! That's when the wig (her name is Headly) went for a rest. I had to figure out what to do- my winter knit hats were also a bit hot! And the comfy cotton knit hats look like a cancer patient. But my friend Penny gave me a cute baseball hat with a preppy ribbon across the front- too cute! It even looks cute on, and feels so much cooler than Headly.
Last Friday I wore it out- like in the car to really go somewhere. I noticed that people smiled and said Hi to me. It was fun. I'm going to get these hats in different colors! They come from RibbonCapClub.com

And- just so you know- there are perks to not having hair. A shower takes less time (but every once in awhile I still think I'm going to get wet hair in may face), drying my hair takes much less time, and I guess I've saved on shampoo and hairspray. But here's a great one- last week I had a massage- the first one since chemo began- and the head massage was wonderful!!

Maybe by peach season in August, I'll have more than peach fuzz!

The Happy Dance - April 14

This morning I went to St. Agnes at 8:15 am to do the first part of my day- have blood drawn before chemo. I was supposed to go back in the afternoon for the actual treatment. After a detour to Rheb's Chocolates, I came home and got a call about an hour later.
Oh, dear! My white blood count was so low they could not give me chemo today!

But here's the good news- the doctor decided that I could skip the last treatment!! I went back at 1:30 to ring the bell signifying the end of my treatments! Hugs from all the nurses and staff!

I ripped the last piece of the REALLY UGLY FABRIC!! I didn't have to wait until the end of the treatment week. It's time to do the Happy Dance- if you ask Bob he'll tell you I've been flying high all day!!

What a great day!!

The Little Things- April 10

This morning I noticed that I only have one eyelash left on my left eye.
How come a little thing like that can make me so upset?

Tonight I was waiting in Catonsville and a stranger walked by and said "I really like your hair."
How come a little thing like that can make me smile and change my day?

Don't forget how important the little things are- you can make someone smile!

Mr. Nutty the Easter Squirrel - April 3

Mr. Nutty came to live with us in the fall in November after my surgery. My friend Becky discovered Mr. Nutty in the Giant grocery store when he made her smile. He's a big helium balloon shaped like a smiling squirrel holding an acorn. He greets everyone who comes in- but some people don't understand him so I'd like you to know his story.

Bob and I love him because he makes us laugh. He "rises to the occasion" when we need him, scaring away bad thoughts. He's "uplifting". He's been a fun presence in our house on some cloudy- or snowy- or rainy days. He's losing some of his helium these days, which just makes him more fun. He's floating a little lower, he's a little flimsy, he turns to follow us as we walk by, he seems to turn to look at us when we cheer for basketball games (or he floats around and turns his back on Duke), but he still makes us smile. He reminds us of the "lighter" side of life.

So Rejoice! He's done a great job. Instead of jelly beans, we are getting him some new helium for Easter. We might let him live outside in a dogwood tree this Spring. We might even set him free and let him rise up. He deserves it!

Happy Easter!

Comfort- March 27

There's a reason that "comfort" is another word for "quilt". A special quilt can comfort a person physically as well as emotionally and spiritually.

A few months ago, Polly in my Graduate Class sent out patterns of my appliqued Baltimore roses and ribbons to other students and friends in the Baltimore Applique Society. They passed the patterns on to other quilters. They appliquéd blocks, signed them, and sent them back to Polly. Friends pieced the blocks together and Illona Hull quilted them with patterns of Circles of Love, Ribbons of Hope, and Reflections of Sunshine.

I have not been speechless many times in my life-but I was when Polly gave me the quilt in class. It's amazing. It's beautiful. The quilt fits perfectly on the bed in my sewing room where I take naps in the afternoon. I read a few names and messages each day- some days it's very emotional. I love the surprise of finding familiar names of friends, students, and colleagues. Most of all, it's comforting to know how many people care. I can feel the love and good wishes in the stitches.

So when I take a nap I think of it as "quilt therapy" and snuggle under the prayers, signatures, and lovely stitches of some very special friends. Thank you all!

Spring, Basketball, and Quilting - March 20

Because it's the first day of Spring- I'm resting because I have been tired this week. Maybe the effects of the chemo are cumulative and I'm feeling it more now. I've been taking some "monster" naps and could not stay up for the late game Maryland won last night!

Because it's March Madness- I'm watching basketball games and cheering for the underdogs- especially the Northern Iowa team- read on.

Because it's National Quilting Day- I'm quilting!

A few months ago my friend Karan from Northern Iowa sent me a 4 1/2" hand-pieced star made with reproduction fabrics- pink and brown- adorable! My first reaction was- "Oh dear! What am I going to do with this! It's too special." So I pinned it to my wall and just enjoyed looking at it. Then- surprise! I got another star in the mail! Then another! Then a book about antique doll quilts with a photo of a star quilt! Then some pink fabric to put between the stars! Then more stars! And border fabric! There are seven stars and they are all different pinks and browns- wonderful!

But just like the "reading recovery", there were days that I couldn't even think about picking up a needle to sew. It was just enough to look at each star–to study the variety of fabrics and love the hand stitches-and maybe to think about putting the stars together into a doll quilt.

It took awhile before I arranged the stars and sewed two blocks together. It felt great to sew again! One step at a time, just like lots of other things lately. But today I stitched the last star into the quilt. I hand-pieced the quilt just like the stars- that was fun to do! I cut and sewed the borders today, too. It's a darling doll quilt and a perfect Quilting Day!

And….Northern Iowa beat #1 Kansas!! Tomorrow we cheer for Maryland!!

The Steps to Reading Recovery - March 13

I love to read- especially when I find a book that I can't put down- I love to get lost in the story and enjoy the ride. But this journey of mine has made reading a challenge at some times. Finally- I feel like a "reader" again- here's what it's taken to get back......

Step 1: The "Just Lay Around and Be" Stage. After surgery and the first chemotherapy, I was just happy to be here- especially when "here" was a comfy place with pillows. This was a short phase. I stared at a few magazine covers.

Step 2: The "Magazine" Stage. I wanted to be reading "something". So turning the pages of a magazine helped. I turned the pages, looked at the pretty pictures and maybe read a caption. The pictures and colors helped the most. Magazines are worth their weight in gold. This seemed like a long phase, but my friend Kay showed up with new magazines.

Step 3: The "Maybe I Can Read a Book" Stage. The first books I picked up needed to be very special. For me there are two books I remember from this time. The first is "Out of the Box" a quilting book by Mary Lou Weidman- it's full of colorful quilts and ideas for creativity. It's not a book with quilts and directions, but a book to inspire ideas. It made me think- but not too much! It was the perfect step up from the magazines. I could stop on any page and pick it up later. The second book is "The Goddess of the Last Minute" by Robbi Joy Eklow. This is a book written by a traveling quilt teacher with a great sense of humor. Her short essays about quilting make me laugh. Robbi is Erma Bombeck for quilters!

Step 4: The "All Right it's Time for a Real Book" Stage. My friend Karan gave me a Nora Roberts book that I really wanted to read- "Bed of Roses"- the second in a new series. I tried and tried, but I think I picked it up too soon. It took me 2 months- and I kept forgetting who-was-doing-it-with-whom. I will have to read it again before the next one comes out.

Step 5: The "Oh my Gosh, I think I'm Better!" Stage. Near the halfway point in my chemotherapy, I picked up "The Help". I read the first page and could not put it down! Hooray!! A book grabbed me and I loved it!! There's Hope for this reader!!! After that I read "The Lost Symbol" and went on an adventure with Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks in the movies) through Washington, DC. So much fun!! My friend Candi brought over Anne Tyler's new book "Noah's Compass" and I'm ready to meet her new characters and share some quality time with them!

Is this Reading Recovery? It feels good to me!!

Mrs. Rip - March 9

I'm getting ready to RIP another piece of REALLY UGLY fabric- it will be less than 1/4 yard left now! About 6 more weeks. A month and a half.

Just call me Mrs. Rip (Van Winkle, that is!)

This week I've been thinking about time. Perhaps I'm waking up from the worst chemo drugs. It suddenly dawned on me that I have been on this journey for six whole months! Julia proudly said she is 5 1/2! Where did that half year go? It was September 4 when I had my mammogram. How has all this time gone by? I was really astounded when I realized this! I've been doing chemotherapy treatments since December 2- that's three whole months! It will be 4 1/2 months of chemo before I finish.

I think that the reason I have made it this far is that I have thought about it in baby steps. One week until this appointment, a week until surgery, two weeks between treatments, and so on and so on. One step at a time. One thing at a time. Focus on what has to be done. Stay in the moment and do the best I can. I've rarely thought about months or half-years. This is some journey!

I am amazed at how it all adds up!

Chocolate - February 28
It's the end of February and I have had a busy week. I ripped off another piece of REALLY UGLY fabric and am still tired- but not as bad as before. I have even ventured out more this week. I played bridge and went to a Maryland basketball game and did something I have not had any desire to do for awhile- go out and eat, coffee and scones, and even a lunch. These are big steps!

So people ask me about food. How do things taste? Am I eating OK? Surprise! Food really has not been a problem. I just eat smaller portions. Food tastes good except there have been some days when everything tasted like cardboard- but fruity things have a good taste- and so do vegetables. Juices have been great- water has a strange taste sometimes. I think it's the "metallic" taste I was warned about.

The strangest thing is that chocolate has no appeal. None. Nada. Weird! Bob and I did eat alot of Lindt Truffles before chemo started, but I'm saving a box of chocolates until chemo is finished. I even have a bag of M&M's that have lived in my house since Halloween- very unusual! Bob brought home a box of Berger's cookies and I didn't touch them- but that's OK- it's more for him! This is probably a good thing since Rheb's Chocolates has a shop right across the street from St. Agnes!

Acupuncture- February 17

Calm, Peace, Balance, Strength.

These are the reasons I have an acupuncture treatment before chemotherapy treatments. I started acupuncture because of my knees about 2 years ago. It helped…didn't make them all better, but helped. Then I found out that acupuncture helped with other things, especially when I was overwhelmed or upset.

I always walk out of the treatment feeling calmer and stronger than when I arrived. I know acupuncture gave me the peace to deal with the cancer diagnosis and surgery. It gives me the strength to get in the car each treatment day.

A few weeks ago I was very scared about the change in the chemo treatment. I hated that the word "reactions" was being used so much. "We'll be giving you extra drugs to prevent reactions…" Yikes! I was halfway through and had figured out how to live with the first drugs. I hate change.

But after acupuncture that week, I left with Carolyn's words, "Yes, it's a change- it will be a good change!"

And it has been!

Strength, Peace, Calm, Balance, Positive Energy……that's why I love acupuncture.

Snow and Yoga- February 14

I just have to mention the snow! It's huge! We set a record here in Baltimore- about 80" this season- so far!

The reason I say "so far" is that I looked in my $1000 Journal (see January 1 about the Journal) and almost every weekend after I had a chemotherapy treatment, we had snow. If we didn't have snow, we had rain. I made notes about it because the weather made it easy to take naps. I didn't feel like going anywhere and it was good to rest with nature's beauty outside the window and me cozy inside. So I have 9 more treatments- watch what happens the next 9 weekends. And some people blame this on the Groundhog!

So the only place I've been since the Blizzard of 2010 this week was yoga on Friday morning. It was amazing to see the one lane snowy streets in the neighborhood, then the huge piles of snow along the highways. I have been taking a wonderful class for cancer survivors in Columbia. My teacher Debbie taught a class I took at the Columbia Yoga Center. I love the class because Debbie is so good at taking things slow, step by step, and she gets me to do things I would not try by myself. I also feel more energized when I come home. Bob has been taking me on these snowy Fridays and on days I didn't feel like I should drive. He enjoys it too- there's a coffee shop and a place to sit and read.

Hopefully Moving Past Exhaustion- February 3

Rip…I tore a 1 1/2"-wide strip off the REALLY UGLY fabric today.

Slowly but surely I'm getting through this. I got my second "lower-dose" treatment today….I get to rip the fabric for this one next Wednesday.

This has been a better week. I don't know if it's the blood transfusion or the change in chemo drugs- or both, but I didn't feel so totally exhausted. And I sewed a little this week!

So what's it mean to be exhausted from chemo? You know how it feels when you watch a movie late at night and you wake up and realized you missed something. That's it! I feel this cloud come over my brain and realize I just better lie down and take a nap- I can't do anything else. And then it takes an hour to wake up from the nap. For the longest time, I could not read or watch anything on TV for longer than an hour. The world has been very fuzzy but it is clearing up.

Every once in awhile I found some energy and thought I was coming back…..but one day I wrapped some presents and thought I was going to faint. Another day I mixed up some chocolate chip cookies and thought my arm was going to fall off. One day I turned on the tea kettle and went to watch TV- yep! I got a new tea kettle- an electric one! One night I needed to drink a cup of tea but I was so tired I could not even ask Bob to get it.

So I learned a few lessons and decided it's been best to sleep through chemo and love the moments in the morning that I do feel good. There's also been two days in the old two-week cycle that I have felt like "me"- usually the two days before a new treatment when I see the doctor. The nurse always asks how I feel and I usually say "90-100%" but I really wished she had asked me on the days when I felt like 10%- that really tells the story!!

Four Letter Words- January 25
When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, the first word out of my mouth was "Shit!"- I do try to be careful about using this word because I'm afraid that's what I will say on TV when I win the Publisher's Clearing House money. But that four letter word just comes out so easily.

Just so you know, back in September I also dropped a few F-bombs, too!

But then my niece Caroline who is 11, wrote me a darling letter and used another 4 letter word- it was LOVE. That letter changed my attitude and I started to realize that all the cards and notes and emails were sending me love and giving me strength to do this.

There's another 4 letter word I want you all to know about. It's written at the top of the page I had to sign to give permission for chemotherapy. There's a line that says "Reason for Treatment" and the word is "CURE".

Great word, huh!

The Pink Glove Dance- January 21
Have you seen the Pink Glove Dance video? Back in November I got several emails with this video- I've been saving this to write about it- but it really speaks for itself! Check out the concert with 17,000 people in pink gloves, too. Doesn't it make you want to dance? Enjoy!

http://pinkglovedance.com

Here’s the story behind the video…
“Our daughter-in-law, Emily (MacInnes) Somers, created, directed and choreographed this in Portland last week for her Medline glove division as a fundraiser for breast cancer awareness. This was all her idea to help promote their new pink gloves.
I don't know how she got so many employees, doctors and patients to participate, but it started to really catch on and they all had a lot of fun doing it.
When the video gets 1 million hits, Medline will be making a huge contribution to the hospital, as well as offering free mammograms for the community. Please check it out. It's an easy and great way to donate to a wonderful cause, and who hasn't been touched by breast cancer?
Ann Somers”

Quote in my $1000 Journal January 7, 2010
Here's a cool quote that showed up today in my $1000 journal:
"Promise me you'll always remember:
You're braver than you believe,
and stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think."
That's Christopher Robin speaking to Pooh!

It's January!
For me, January means my birthday month! This year I have made a big January decision- I'm moving my birthday to July! I've always wanted a summer birthday! My birthday comes too close after the holidays each year, and this year I would LOVE to move the celebration to a time when I have more energy. In July, I will feel like having a party, going out to dinner or lunch, and celebrating at Quilt Odyssey. So plan to celebrate with me this summer!!

Third Treatment- December 30, 2009- ripping!
This morning I ripped off the second 1/8 of my yard of REALLY UGLY fabric. That's 1/4 of the journey done!
My rule is that I can't rip it off until right before the next treatment. It's relatively easy to get the treatment, it's living with the side effects for two weeks afterward that is the challenge. At the end I feel like ME again and I'm ready to rip!
Rules are made to be broken, so this morning as I left to get the third treatment, I ripped just a little for the next time- it wasn't easy to get in the car and go, so that helped. I did it!

Tis the Day After Christmas
Twas the day before Christmas, the weather was dreary,
I was grouchy and weepy and tired and weary.
Bob cooked his first turkey and mixed up a pie,
I unrolled the crust, in the wink of an eye.

But Christmas Day was a whole different story,
I awoke bright and cheery, not feeling a worry.
Ry and Andrea came for lunch and brightened our spirit,
Because the day before I didn't want to hear it.

We ate turkey and gravy!
Mashed potatoes- Yum!
Opened presents and laughed.
I was so glad they had come!

Bob and the kids went to visit the Grandkids,
I stayed home for a nap and closed my eyelids.
When I awoke again I felt great,
Everybody came home and again we ate.

They entertained me with stories of their Christmas visit,
Showed me their presents and opened more gifts.
The night before Christmas I really felt crappy,
But Christmas Day was really quite happy!!

The Big Snow- Dec 19-20
It's a winter wonderland and we are definitely going to have a White Christmas! We broke a record here in Baltimore and got almost two feet of snow over the weekend. It's beautiful!
As for me, this was my weekend to hibernate. I watched the snow fall and then took naps. That's what the chemo does to me- gives me a little energy to do one thing and then sends me into a nice nap. That's how my week will be...hopefully getting some energy back at the end of the week.

First Week- Tuesday Dec. 8
We had a beautiful snow this weekend here in Baltimore. I slept through most of it! I feel like I crashed on Friday afternoon and woke up Monday feeling a little bit better. This is how Bob describes it- you know those big inflated Christmas decorations? Well I was the deflated part! I am feeling better today. I did not have any of the side effects that I was really afraid of. So hopefully, I am going up the roller coaster this week.
Yesterday I went to a class at the hospital that taught us how to do make-up during treatment. We got lots of make-up samples and lessons on drawing eyebrows. Everybody looked amazing when we left! It was really neat to see some of the transformations and I thought what a fabulous gift these ACS volunteers gave to us who are make-up challenged.

Last Day of November 2009
I am very thankful for the month of November! Mostly thankful for the wonderful notes and cards I received this month. I rested, I healed from surgery, I had tests and a procedure (getting a port placed to get ready for chemotherapy), I enjoyed Thanksgiving, got together with friends, and started feeling great!
One of the best events this month was the Bruce Springsteen concert in Baltimore- 3 1/2 hours of music and fun- followed by a big nap the next day!
Today I finished a quilt that will be in a magazine in 2010- using my new line of fabric- Christmas in Baltimore by P&B. You can view the fabrics on a link on my home page, but the fabric won't be in stores until May.
So now it's time to fasten my seat belt and start chemotherapy this week. The treatments are every other week until the middle of March.
I'll be in touch!

October 2009
On October 6 I had surgery for breast cancer and have really been feeling good, but it's surprising how important a nap can be!

But even more important...

I want to thank everyone who sent me cards, e-cards, emails and lots of good thoughts and prayers. I really feel the power of prayer. I feel strength and peace and know that I can go through this. My family and friends and sisterhood of quilters are helping me- it is truly amazing! Sometimes the cards are overwhelming and I have to stop and catch my breath (and sometimes cry) but they are so wonderful.

I have received cards from guilds- usually signed "From Your Friends at --- Guild". These cards are very special- there is no way to thank you all personally, so if you read this, please pass the word along that I love and appreciate you all!

I have also received appliqued hearts- they are adorable!! I love them and can feel your care in every stitch!!!